No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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