when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
