i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
