my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
