It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
