You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
did you just send me my own nude
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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