yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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