I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
