Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
