Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Barsexuality is the new black.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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