Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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