so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
