the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
