Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So vagazzling was a success
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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