when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
