we have officially lost it.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
