I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
tequila makes me forget i have legs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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