Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
