God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
