Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
