So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
