My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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