The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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