just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
