i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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