I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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