So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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