i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
