I murdered the dance floor call the cops
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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