Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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