i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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