I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
