You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
