first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
