I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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