I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
