Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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