note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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