Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
