I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
