im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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