I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
