We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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