I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
