Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
