Someone shit on the floor
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
