Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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