nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
