Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do herpes really smell.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
