I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
