I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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