If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
