At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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