hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
