I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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