he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
